Whats going on?

The day has come when I am finally being packed off to another place- I mean, I am ear marked for marriage and my parents have started looking for a suitable groom. I feel it is too early to start, but my parents know what is best for me. :-)

I read somewhere that being alone is different from being lonely. To be alone you need to be comfortable with yourself and enjoy spending time with yourself. Loneliness is when you feel something is missing in life. I have been lonely for a long time in life and off late I dont feel lonely any more but I seem to feel restless. I am neither happy at home nor at office. Nothing seems to make me happy.. I wonder where I am letting my life go..

It has been a long time since I wrote something. Weekends have come and gone. I had watched Da Vinci Code. The movie to me was a disappointment but my friends loved it. I liked the book better. Agreed you cant squeeze a huge book with lots of fact(that is debatable, huh?) into a 3 hr movie...  Got some really boring work, I dont want to do it. I hope to while away my time and avoid doing it but there is no escape. I have to do it.

Finally Da Vinci Code is getting released in India. The wait would be over this Friday. But I cant watch it as I have training to attend on weekends. Other than that, my day has been good so far.  Let me see if this continues...

As my plans of watching Da Vinci Code on saturday were spoiled by the censor board here,  I was looking forward to a rather uneventful weekend- two days of washing and ironing clothes, cleaning the shelf and reading books. But I was woken up by a call on saturday morning from my friend. He had come to bangalore from chennai for the weekend and wanted to meet me. The whole day was spent with him and other friends who had come with him. We thought of watching a movie and then spent an hour quarreling over which movie to watch. We could get tickets only for Ice Age 2, so I ended up watching the movie for the second time.

I spent sunday at home washing clothes and reading books. I finished "Life isnt all ha ha hee hee" by Meera Syal and "Lie down with the lions" by Ken Follet. I didnt like them much, but as I had no other thing to do, I finished these books. Now I am looking forward to a week full of work..

When I was in college in Chennai, I used to listen to the local FM Station called Radio Mirchi ( Mirchi in hindi means hot). During the last year of my engineering, we never had classes. If the students come, the lecturer would not come and vice versa. I stayed in the hostel inside the college campus, so the moment we knew there was no class, I would go straight to my room and start browsing with Radio Mirchi playing in the background. We had high speed internet connection and Radio Mirchi played all my favorite songs. What more can I ask for? :-) We had just got recruited through campus recruitment (where companies come to college and recruit candidates in the final year of their studies, so that the students can join as soon as they finish their studies). So we were a carefree lot. We had cemented our future so we didnt take studies seriously. Those days were sheer joy. When you know everything is all set out for you, wow, that sense of security just goes to your head. The future was filled with hopes and the present was just to have fun.. I wish I could get those days back.

 

Now that I have started working, I need to take care of everything. Back in college every thing was done for us and we only had to study(read have fun! :D). When I moved to bangalore to work, I missed the radio mirchi FM station. I guess the radio mirchi people heard of my sorrow, last month Radio Mirchi was started in bangalore. My joy knew no bounds! I make it a point to tune in at least for a few minutes each day. Whenever I listen to radio mirchi (that is what I am doing now) it brings back good old memories of my hostel. With the rain lashing against my window, and radio mirchi playing at full volume, I would be happily browsing all day. Chatting with friends, downloading songs, writing java programs. hmm, those were the best days of my life.

It happens in my life all the time. I meet some nice people, make friends with them and we have fun. Just when we have lots of fun, we move apart. Move apart, not in terms of relationship, but situations demand that we move to a different place and after that things are never the same. I notice that it has been happening to me over the past few years. It started in college. I met this gang of guys and girls and we got along very well. Then we had to move to different departments in college and the closeness we shared was lost. I moved to the computer science department while the rest moved to the electronics department. God, I hated every minute of my college life in the computer science department. I had to spend three years there and I am thankful that it is over now. The same thing happened to my hostel life also, I hated my hostel life and I had to tolerate that for four long years. Now that I am done with education and started working. I have some great friends in office. Initially we worked in the same project but now we have been moved to different projects . I am still in touch with my office friends, but I am worried if someday this would also be disturbed. I have made friends with people in the place where I stay. We are six girls and get along very well. Whenever we are together we are playing some prank or the other and we have so much fun..... I have never had such good company in my life before and as much as I enjoy each moment with them I am also worried that my luck would play havoc and separate us. As I think about this strange luck of losing friends, I feel that it happens for good. If I had always been in the company of friends, I would have never know what loneliness is, I would have never learnt to handle it. Such situations have made me emotionally stronger. Now I can brace myself for tough situations and say bring it on.. I have seen tougher times. I guess that is what keeps me going! :-)

The weather in Bangalore is crazy and I love it! :-) I used to live in chennai, Tamil Nadu before I moved to Bangalore in Karnataka( Tamil Nadu and Karnataka are states in India, more specifically, South India) Chennai in hot in summer. Hottest in the month of May. Two seconds out in broad day light without suncscreen and your skin would get burnt. Bangalore's hottest day is Chennai's mildest summer day!. I find the rains in Bangalore more enjoyable than those in chennai. These days in bangalore, it is hot during the day time and as the evening sets in, the sky gets cloudy and it rains heavily. I find rains and the dark evenings before the rains, very romantic. I dont know how I came to associate rain with romance( I guess, watching too much of rain duets on TV could be one reason!). I find it funny, coz there has never been any person with whom I could get romantic in my life, still I associate rain with romance. I moved to Bangalore in rainy season, so whenever the sky got cloudy and the cool breeze sets in, I would feel lonely. Of late, I have started enjoying the weather instead of worrying that I am alone in a romantic setting. :-)

In India we have the system of arranged marriage, where your parents decide whom you are going to marry. In olden days, the guy and girl wouldnt get a chance to know each other before marriage. It amounted to marrying a stranger. These days, after the engagement, the guy and the girl are allowed to talk and even meet for coffee or catch a movie( these meeting are always moderated by the presence of a relative!) My parents are looking for an alliance for me. The standard response they get from prospective grooms is "the girl is fat". I feel bad for my parents and sad that external appearances are given such importance.. More later..

After a long time I stayed at home this weekend. Late night phone calls kept me awake..  I actually enjoyed staying at home.  I was trying to read "Lie down with lions" by Ken Follet. Then got another book titled "Life is not all ha ha hee hee" by Mira Syal. Well, the book is not my types. It is poignant at places but on the whole I find it boring. As I had no other options, I had to read it..I finished half of the book. I dont know if I can force myself to read the rest... I got to wait and watch..

I was missing home on friday and felt I needed to visit my family. Strangely, after I chatted with my friends I felt lighter.. I didnt miss home any more.. God knows, what is happening to me.. Waiting for work for the day to come in.. 

 

Something has been bothering me this week.. I cant put my finger on one thing, but I can sense that things are not ok. I have been trying to figure out what is happening but all efforts in vain..

I guess I need to go home and get pampered..

I have tried maintaining blogs. I lose interest after a few days. Let me see if I stick to it this time.